Sometimes even I don’t get me…
So, last year, I lost about 35 pounds by tracking my food and exercise on SparkPeople.com. Back then, it was so easy to stick to eating about 1400 calories a day and exercising for at least 30 minutes 4-5 times a week. Then I got married, graduated from grad school, and got a real job. Which led to the slow downward slide of “I’m too tired to exercise” and “I’m too lazy to track my food” and “McDonald’s is right next door to where I work.” We see where this is going.
So I (impressively) only gained 5 pounds back last Christmas. And I’ve been trying to get that 5 pounds off since January, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I don’t know why it’s so hard. The only thing that’s different is I no longer have my wedding for motivation, but I’m currently motivating myself with the idea of a giant Lands’ End shopping spree in Chicago for all new size 4s or 6s or whatever size I end up in at that point. Really that’s very exciting for me, so I don’t quite understand why it isn’t motivating me.
I can stick to the 1400 calorie meal plan for a day or two, then I just get out of it and I can’t stop myself. I end up pretty much maintaining, which is why I have been stuck at 136ish for months now, and I realize that is far better than gaining, but I really want to lose. Which brings me back to this endless loop of, “Why could I do this last year, but I can’t do it now?”
So I thought maybe I needed some exercise motivation…and I started running. I set a goal to run the Crazy 8s 8K in 2009. I am currently up to running about 25-30 minutes at a time, but I only cover about 2.5 miles in that time because I have short legs so my pace is slower than most. I really thought running, being a far more intense exercise than anything I had really tried before, would help jump start my weight loss. Not so. Instead, I’ve been bouncing back and forth even more, and lately I’ve been going the wrong way on the scale for no reason whatsoever. I always eat around maintenance…sometimes it’s slightly more but never enough to gain 2 pounds in a week.
I got bronchitis a few weeks ago and had to stop running for 2 weeks. Last year, taking a break from exercise for a week broke a plateau for me, so I had hopes that this might have the same effect. Alas, nope. Still stuck bouncing between 136 and 137. This is very frustrating. And it’s not helping my motivation. Which brings me full circle. My lack of consistent motivation is apparenty hindering my weight loss, which is causing a great deal of frustration, which is making it harder to get motivated.
At this point I’m not sure what I need. Or if I should even really worry about that last 5 pounds. Maybe my body just wants to hold onto it and that’s why it refuses to lose it. I really don’t know. But I wish I did, so I could either stop trying in vain or finally do something right.
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